What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch.Dear NASA: Your mom thought I was big enough.–Pluto.What does Pinocchio's lover say to him? "Lie to me! Lie to me!".If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?.Why can't you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls.What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.Why did the squirrel swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry.He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair." "I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.What do you call an expert fisherman? A Master Baiter.My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.How is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a great hand, you don't need a partner.įor more up-to-date information, sign up for ourīest Dirty Jokes WAYHOME studio/Shutterstock.What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? A dictator!.After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!" A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together, we can stop this crap.When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream." The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it.Why is diarrhea hereditary? It runs in your genes!.What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls? A white Christmas!.
What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit The Frog's fingers!.What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? A beaver dam!.What did the leper say to the sex worker? Keep the tip.What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin' off!.What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor!.What is Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear.
The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs.Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ. If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.Do you know what that means?" The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again." A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there.She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's." "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife.What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.I'll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive.Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds? They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra."I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella. "Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled.What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me.".